Even if it can be uncomfortable at times, the advice from parents, grandparents, and siblings can create a more robust foundation for a couple during their first days of marriage.
That means there is more stability available to them at home. There is an effort at cooperation instead of meddling. Couples who find themselves independently often struggle with their family structures because someone disagrees with their selection of a partner. In an arranged marriage, families work together more often. There is a shared sense of social responsibility and financial security.
This work goes beyond the desire to maintain the family culture or embrace tradition. Instead of worrying about compatibility, a couple can work toward their best interests.
Decisions are sometimes made using contradictions. A shared story on TheTalko recounts the tale of parents who were trying to partner their daughter with a man who worked in the United States. By not wearing them during the initial contact, they felt like she was being deceptive because poor eyesight is seen as a weakness.
If she were to wear contacts, then that would make her pretentious. No one is perfect, yet there can be an expectation of perfection when partnering with someone in an arranged marriage. These relationships struggle to work because of that perspective. There can be a lack of trust in the eventual relationship. This disadvantage occurs most often when the couple in question does not have time to meet with one another before the ceremony.
Some people in this situation are forced into a place of intimacy with someone who is a complete stranger, yet they are also a spouse. That fact can make it a challenge to get the marriage started off on the right foot. It gives men more of an opportunity to control the relationship.
Many of the cultures that embrace the idea of an arranged marriage support the concept that the male is the leader of the household. This patriarchal viewpoint trickles down into every decision that the couple might make in the future.
Women are given the role of providing children, making meals, and keeping the house clean according to the desires of their spouse. Because of this relationship structure, dependencies form where a woman cannot get away from an abusive partner because she is separated from any support systems. Even her family might encourage staying in the marriage instead of leaving in an abusive situation because of the cultural implications a divorce would have on them.
This relationship eliminates the decision-making process for a courtship. Although an arranged marriage can help couples go beyond the get-to-know-you stage faster when establishing a courtship, this process is sometimes a step that creates an unwillingness.
It may seem like there is a choice to participate, but the individual might be more fearful of the consequences they face if they choose to go their own way. The whole time it was a horrible feeling. It forces intimacy to be the cornerstone of relationship-building. When two people come together in an intimate moment, then it draws them closer because of the shared physical contact — when the experience is positive. If it is a forced, negative, or undesired moment, then it pushes people away from one another.
Some cultures expect certain events to occur during this moment as well, such as bleeding to indicate that the bride is a virgin. If that expectation is not met, then the male distrusts the circumstances of their coupling, and can sometimes become abusive because of it. The concept of love is set aside for the betterment of the family. Haritha Khandabattu had no desire to get married after she graduated from college. Her ambitions were to focus on her career, but the family had a different priority.
It got to the point where her father would barely speak with her, so Khandabattu said that she relented. She was forced to give her salary to them. They even demanded that her father pay a dowry.
After 18 months of trying, she just gave up, accepted a job in Amsterdam, and finalize the divorce against the wishes of her family.
It can be a relationship that involves children. The event is more private, limited to the relatives of the bride and groom.
This occurs after both families have agreed to the couple's decision to marry. In "Tulpa", the groom, along with his family members, asks the bride, with her family for her part, to her hand in marriage. Families then formally recognize that the couple will be married. Usually, the bride and groom dress in matching colors. They exchange rings, putting the rings on each other's right-hand ring finger they are very common.
This event usually occurs one or two days before the wedding day. It is a small gathering of close male relatives on both sides of the bride and groom, usually in the home of the bride's family.
In this exchange, the men on the groom's side make sure that the bride's family is satisfied with the party. Male family members on the groom side also make sure to resolve any last minute issues before the wedding. After all, the eldest man on the side of the groom congratulates all the male relatives on both sides.
In Old Palestine, the henna night was a night used to prepare all the necessary wedding decorations and last minute arrangements. It was also a chance for the families to celebrate together before the wedding. The groom's family would sahij or dance through the streets of the village until reaching the house of the bride. Once there, the family would mix henna together, which would then be used to decorate the bride and grooms hands with the groom's being merely the initials of his bride and himself , and then offer the bride her mahr usually gold as it does not decline in value like other wealth.
The families would then dance and sing traditional Palestinian music. In modern times, particularly those not living in Palestine, the henna night remains traditional in customs, but is very similar to a bachelorette party ; the bride's female friends and relatives join her in celebrating, which includes food, drinks, and a lot of dancing. A women's group plays Arabic music, sometimes Islamic music, while everyone dances.
A woman draws henna or mehndi , a temporary form of skin decoration using henna , on the bride's and guests' skin — usually the palms and feet, where the henna color will be darkest because the skin contains higher levels of keratin there, which binds temporarily to lawsone , the colorant of henna.
The men will also have a party, in which the groom's family and friends will dance to traditional Palestinian music. In some village customs, the groom's face is shaven by a close family member or friend in preparation for his wedding. The tradition of giving the bride her gold is also still used.
The groom will enter where the bride is, they well both get their henna done, and the groom will then offer the bride her mahr. Thus, the wedding being merely dancing and celebration. An important element of the henna night in both traditional and non-traditional henna parties, is the dress adorned by the Palestinian women and the groom. The women dress in traditional usually hand embroidered gowns, known as Palestinian ithyab.
The brides thobe would be extravagant and exquisitely embroidered. The groom will wear the usual traditional Arab men's thobe and hata head covering. The henna wedding tradition has remained popular with Jewish descendants of predominantly Muslim countries. In some areas e. Music and dance groups perform and the men dance with the groom. Women are not allowed and may view the program via video projection inside the house or the closed off garden.
In strict Islamic families this is the only way to allow males from outside the family to attend the wedding. Weddings usually include a zaffa , a procession that loudly announces the couple's wedding. The zaffa differs from region to region. In Egypt, for example, the Dumiyati zaffa is popular in the north.
In the Levant, the traditional dabkeh is popular. Other versions of the zaffa can be found in North Africa and the Arabian peninsula as well as the khaliji ; the zaffa even reached Malaysia with the first Arab traders, called the Zapin. As soon as the bride and groom are seated in the kosha , a sharbat drink is passed to the guests, and all drink to their health.
The bride and groom then switch rings from their right hand to the left index. This is probably an old Christian tradition, [ citation needed ] but it is done whether the couple is Muslim or Christian.
Arranged marriages often mean forced marriages; in many cases, the brides are under 15 years old, with countries like Niger and India having particularly disturbing rates of child brides.
These girls are often pulled out of school and isolated, left with no choices or opportunities. There are plenty of positive explanations for the low divorce rates of arranged marriages. Couples feel more inclined to work through issues and are more dedicated to each other.
Mutual admiration develops. She writes and speaks about a range of topics including sex, dating, feminism, politics, and addiction. Brides's Editorial Guidelines. What Is an Arranged Marriage?
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